Category Spike Milligan

I cannot and I will not No, I cannot love you lessLike the flower to the butterflyThe corsage to the dressShe turns my love to dust my destination empty my beliefs scattered: Diaspora!Who set this course—and why?Now my wings beat—…

I’ve learned mine can’t be filled,only alchemized. Many timesit’s become a paragraph or a page.But usually I’ve hidden it,not knowing until too latehow enormous it grows in its dark.Or how obvious it getswhen I’ve donned, say, my goodcordovans and my…

Down the stream the swans all glide;It’s quite the cheapest way to ride.Their legs get wet,Their tummies wetter:I think after allThe bus is better

Elephants are contagious!Be careful how you tread.An Elephant that’s been trodden onShould be confined to bed! Leopards are contagious too.Be careful tiny tots.They don’t give you a temperatureBut lots and lots—of spots. The Herring is a lucky fishFrom all disease…

Things that go ‘bump’ in the nightShould not really give one a fright.It’s the hole in each earThat lets in the fear,That, and the absence of light!

“What is a Bongaloo, Daddy?”“A Bongaloo, Son,” said I,“Is a tall bag of cheesePlus a Chinaman’s kneesAnd the leg of a nanny goat’s eye.” “How strange is a Bongaloo, Daddy?”“As strange as strange,” I replied.“When the sun’s in the WestIt…

Say Bazonka every dayThat’s what my grandma used to sayIt keeps at bay the Asian Flu’And both your elbows free from glue.So say Bazonka every day(That’s what my grandma used to say) Don’t say it if your socks are dry!Or…

Said Hamlet to Ophelia,I’ll draw a sketch of thee,What kind of pencil shall I use?2B or not 2B?

A combustible woman from ThangExploded one day with a BANG!The maid then rushed inAnd said with a grin,‘Pardon me, madam—you rang?’